Initiation onto the Path of Belonging + Becoming
On the path toward Belonging and Becoming, there are times we look around us and we may see nobody for metaphorical miles. (If you're Cheryl Strayed on the Pacific Trail, there is literally nobody around you for miles.) Other times, we are surrounded by people; people we have known a long while, people we are temporarily sharing space with, people who are coming into our lives fresh, and people we are saying our final goodbye to.
People are an important part of this journey. From the families we were born into, the friends we have called in, to the strangers who drop catalysts of truth into our lives from casual conversations, each person has their say and can leave a resonant imprint on us that can last long after our exchange has taken place.
When we initiate ourselves onto the path towards our unconditional sense of belonging, we can be shown pretty quickly who and/or what no longer belongs on our journey with us. It stirs up endings, and endings can be significantly difficult and painful. It becomes exceptionally difficult when we are in between losing the group we used to know, and growing into the group that can hold us safely and welcome us completely. It can be a lonely space, an isolating place, an area where hope, trust and belief are all challenged simultaneously. And it will ask us to hold that vision of Belonging and Becoming steady and centered.
So many of us have gotten used to traveling alone. Maybe we have not been physically alone, yet that longing within for people who understand us has not yet ever been fully quelled.
We are the ones who never quite fit into their first family (the one we were born into), never quite had the group of friends that felt fully clicked into who we really are, and the ones that haven't had a job out in society that ever really embraced the unique beings that we are.
We just haven't experienced full belonging yet, and we hunger for it. We are the nomads, the wanderers, the wayfinders who have set out to find the tribe that knows us as their own. And until we pick up their energy on our auric radar, we are journeying on in the quiet company of ourselves.
We are also the people who have given a hard stop to the way of life that left us compromising. To the groups and relationships that left us feeling less than or uninspired. We left all the "fine" relationships back some thousand feet below on our climb towards More. Even though it may not be the peak of the mountain we need to reach before we find home, we will still keep our sights on it anyway. Because we made that commitment to our hearts and to our Selves that we are worth the work, the path, the seemingly endless journey towards the ones who will look at us, dusty and disheveled, and lovingly tell us how much they have missed us and how welcome we are at their fire. That's when we will Know we have found home. That's where we can sink the deeper roots. In the company and comfort of the tribe that is made like us, and will honor us by being all of who they are, with conscious commitment to Becoming, encouraging us to do the same.
Becoming Ready for Belonging
I am a nomad. I often use the analogy that I am a black bean in a white bag of rice. Until I fully realized this, the relationships in my life had been very painful, and very disappointing. I spent a lot of time seeking advice from people in my life whom I relied on, only to be set back by their responses to my situations. It took me a long time to realize that I couldn't ask them for advice on a way of life they have not lived, haven't even considered. I started to understand that my lack of understanding from them was not an indication that there was something amiss or wrong with me. Rather, I was operating in a different energetic field, pursuing a life that made no sense at all to them. I was on my way to somewhere where they wouldn't be able to join me fully.
With that knowledge, I took my place on the fringe and started the upward climb.
Now, it's not all uphill. And you have to start somewhere. In the beginning, when my vision first opened up and I really could 'see' how fitting there with them was not where I was meant to be, I began to open up in different ways. I gave a tug on the thread of the comfortably uncomfortable hammock I had been passively nesting in, and it became completely unraveled. I couldn't stay, because I now no longer had a place. I couldn't join their conversations because I no longer knew or cared about what they were talking about. I couldn't join their activities because it compromised what I now knew was my integrity, becoming more clear to me everyday, to do so. This is not to say that these people are 'bad' or that there is anything 'wrong' with how they are living.. I love many of them still. I just learned that it is ok to love and care about people, from a safe distance, while I climb towards what is meant to be fulfilling to me in this lifetime.
Climbing Higher, Towards More
This climb does not feel or present itself as treacherous. Treacherous would've been to stay on the ground, hearing stirrings behind me in the woods, looking up at the mountain and wondering what it would be like to see what She sees. To stay at ground level while Knowing that I Belong, that my Fulfillment resides, somewhere thousands of feet above, that would've been treacherous to my own life path, stagnating to my own soul's journey. It took and continues to take a lot of courage to keep myself moving forward. And there have been plenty of times when I have asked the wind "Why is this so hard?" and She has reminded me that, on a soul path, time is not linear. It is Divine. And divine timing brings people, places and things forward exactly when we are least expecting it to, because we are no longer attached, or needed to have it on our terms.
And that is the lesson I am moving through right now. That I have experienced loneliness for the first time in ages is ok. It will pass. Unlike when I have experienced it before, this time I know that it is just a moment on the cycle, and the energies of those who are meant for me are resonating all around me, coming ever closer and closer. And that is what steadies me back to center point and refocuses my vision, even in the most wild and uncertain of times when I am sure I have completely gone where no other soul could possibly find me. They will find me. And your tribe will find you, too.
When we find these people--partners, friends, mentors, guides, teachers, soul families--it is our soul that will prompt us so strongly to recognize them. The soul uses its expression by way of the body and the voice, and so we must have taken time to clear the way for it to express itself as we have hiked, canoed, swam, climbed, and rested along our journey.
Each scenario, each series of by-passes, passersby, and losses have shown us what is not for us. It may have come and gone again, and that is ok because it served a purpose. And what was that purpose? We ask ourselves about the lesson in each relationship once we are ready to integrate what we have experienced, as we move through our unique process of Becoming. That is the commitment to our Selves, to the work, to the Knowing that what we desire is out there, up there, and it is very very real. Just as we are real, so is the collective of Beloved Others who will set up camp with us and stay for good. For good and bad times. For the heavy rains and the howling winds of life, they will be there, standing tall in them Selves, and urging us to do the same. Those are our people. Our Divine matches. And they can come in all forms, shapes and sizes.
We might wonder, along the way, how we will know them. How should we recognize them? There are many ways the soul makes its connection to others known. One of them is the way it mirrors its desirability and receives its desirability mirrored back in the other. That is to say: you will know you are wanted, that your presence, all of you, is desired, and you will feel that same way about that member of your soul tribe. That place, person, thing or space will feel comfortable. Will feel safe. Will feel well-known to your Self. They will feel like Home. Like the piece of Earth where you can rest your bones, dance your joy, sing your Truth, and create your dreams. Those people and places will be as wide open and expansive as the Heart of Sky and as deep and healing as Grandmother Ocean, to hold all of who you are and who you continue to Become. They will be the full body "yes!" that lights up every part of you, the somatic sensation that alerts you that you have found something Truthful for your life. That something is coming in that most definitely has been desired. "This is your physical manifest," She will say. And you will know that you can safely welcome it all in, and celebrate because you helped to co-create this divinely timed meeting.
Your people, places and things will not give up on your. So do not give up on them. This is the collective commitment: keep calling to each other, keep making the journey, keep staying the course until you meet up and create the most sacred Home you will ever have in this lifetime.
Creating Space + Staying the Course
To stay the course is to leave doubt, fear and attachment behind as soon as possible. You don't need it. Survival mode up here in the soul wilderness requires a different kind of relationship to the Self and to the world around. It requires respect, resolve, and resonance. Trust that you are being guided always. Know that there is something More. Hear the wisdom that is being shared with you from the trees, from the song of the coyotes. Feel your own wisdom being passed to you from the Great Lover: your Wyse Woman, your Higher Self. She wants you to find your people. Your people are Her people, and She has wonderful things in store for those relationships.
In no way am I saying that this will anything less than a major challenge, totally frustrating and disheartening at times. There will be days when all of your clothes are wet, you are exhausted, and it feels like every way you choose to go ends in a bog and more rain. It's all a part of the process. Challenges come up so that we can actually know, without any doubt, that we can face them and overcome them. Resistance is our teacher that affirms us as being capable of moving through anything that may try to block us from achieving all we are meant for.
Instead of asking "why is this happening to me?", ask "what can I learn from this?" "How can I be affirmed in my Self by moving through this?"
Because the challenges that happen lower down on the climb towards More are preparing us for the challenges that we may face higher up in the climb.
Embrace the solitude, do the work. Let go of stuff that begins to feel heavy. It may be things and people that you never dreamed you would part from.
Let them go.
Some people, things and places are only meant to make the climb so far up, to journey with us only so long, before we have to go our separate ways. It is when we stick around, lingering in a place that really isn't ours, that we begin to feel stuck, resentful, and agitated. That's the drum, the fire, that is calling us to move on. It may take us time to gather our belongings from wherever they have been placed and positioned over the length of time we have been there. We can do that, or we can choose to leave everything behind that no longer resonates and start fresh.
That is how we make space. By cleaning out our environments, our psyches, our emotions, our physical possessions, and our beliefs and habits, we create a huge amount of space for the next part of the journey to fill it up again. We are never emptied out for long. The cyclical rhythm of life promises that we will be full again once we have emptied out. And once we are full again, we will, at some point, be asked to empty again. This will happen again and again on our way to More. On our way Home.
When we find our folks, our tribe, our collective, they too will know that this cycle of life is non-negotiable, and we will flow together through it, shedding versions of ourselves, shedding parts of relationship that no longer serve. These people, though, will not be afraid of this. They will celebrate it. Because they know that we each Become a thousand different versions of ourselves within the course of one lifetime. And these are the people, places and things that can witness our process of becoming with deep and unconditional love and joy. For this is to be celebrated.
To come home to our tribe, we first must come home to ourselves. When we know every nuanced and beautiful part of our Selves, we can then be certain that there are others with these parts and pieces too. Once we know and welcome all of who we are, we can know and welcome all of our Beloved Others. We will know what we are looking for, because we have already found it in ourselves. Our hearts will be so full of love, joy and gratitude. We will be so at peace with what we are asked to do in this lifetime, that the process of Becoming is the only way forward for us. That we belong wherever we are, even if it is a thousand miles from anyone or anywhere. That's when we are fully clicked in to trust. Trust in ourselves, and trust that, when it is time, those people, places and things are also going to be fully ready to receive us and give us all that we are also able to give and receive.
Once we know we belong, and that we are spacious enough in ourselves to hold all of that enormous sense of belonging, that is when we can know that Home is just beyond where we are now. We can come around the curve knowing that we will find something that is restorative to our vision: our place, our people, our space of Belonging, with a spot just for us. And their smiles, their energies, their love says "Welcome home, Divine One, we have missed you and we are so glad you have made your way Home to our tribe, where you Belong."
Amen, A'ho. And So It Is.